Wed 13th Feb 2013

To clear up any misunderstanding, I still have my wheelchair, its just not very easy to use as you can imagine with buckled wheels and bald tires to say the least, so just very careful using it so as to not damage it anymore.

Needless to say, they didn't ring up today either so still not sure if they will indeed turn up tomorrow or not, will be plenty swearing going on in my room if they do not :(

Today's photo challenge was "walking" - to walk short distance and take a photo showing what's around you, hmmm that was a challenge for me, but decided to take it tongue in cheek and on my "daily" walk to bathroom, stop and take the photo lol, well, it was a walk right and it was short? lol.

Had my first online class for the semester tonight from 8 - 9 pm and I tried logging on via the iPad and that worked brilliantly, could see and hear Cale every well but wouldn't you know, I just couldn't login via the PC no matter what I tried lol but finally worked out the kinks and now I'm set up for class whether in chair on PC or in bed on iPad.

Really tired tonight so might log off and get some sleep, hopefully longer than 2 hours, making sure its black as night, no noise apart from my storm sleep radio, air cond on low so I don't overheat, tablets not due till 5:00 am, I'm all set so night all :)

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

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Tue 12th Feb 2013

Wheelchair not fixed today, not even a phone call to say why they didn't turn up, not happy!  That wheelchair is my lifeline outside the house, without it I'm literally stuck.  Been waiting since Oct last year and god knows how many phone calls trying to organise the company that is responsible for the care, service and repair arrgghh

Will ring tomorrow and try and get some answers.

Today's photo not very exciting, just where we ate lunch today, for me was my recliner chair out in lounge room.

Tomorrow will be an interesting photo, "walk" now that's a challenge in itself for me, we are supposed to walk somewhere and take a picture of what we see hmmm.

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

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Mon 11th Feb 2013

Mon morning, Toni was off for first day at Tafe for this year and I fiddled around on ipad seeing what I could or could not do in respect of my own course I'm doing this year: Website Development Course and I can do a fair bit of the reading portion plus the online class through Adobe Connect on Wed evenings (to be tested this coming Wed) so no more excuses about being bedridden etc, I can still keep up and if I plan my time properly each of the hour blocks that I am at the computer I will already know what I am doing - see, time efficient :)

Gotta love Flexible online Delivery @ Tafe plus my course being at same Tafe. Toni, she's been a real help in taking and picking up stuff for me.

Today's photo of the day challenge was "entrance" and we took a fantastic photo when we had the bathroom renovated, with the door on but no handle, looking through the hole into the bathroom, well, I thought it would be good for today's word.

You ever had a situation where words you've challenge someone else with come back to haunt you?  Well in my case, my daughter decided to issue the same challenge back to me for Feb, so I guess I have to suck it up as well....

Good to see though that certain diet coke drinking people (waves to that stubborn NZ woman who drinks that ghastly drink (think of swapping to Pepsi Max eh? lol), very proud of how you've picked up this challenge and running with it and yes, I will be fiendishly planning March's challenge hehehe sigh, as long as Toni doesn't then throw it back to me, I think you and her are in cahoots lol)

Listening to Glee, writing this entry early hours Tues morning 2:00 am, and I'm bouncing my legs around, waving my arms clapping etc generally just bopping around and I realised something, I was happy, don't get me wrong pain was still extreme, still on antibiotics, but I was .... happy :)

               ...... And I'll remember the strength that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you saved me

I'll remember ......

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Sun 10th Feb 2013

Being sick, stuck in bed all time and not sleeping, came in handy for today's photo of the day challenge being "3 o'clock"

Easy as I was playing Minecraft on the iPad in bed at 3:00 am this morning :)

Hardest part was getting a clear enough picture lol

Long night again but managed to doze here and there in between medications, bathroom breaks and reading, listening music etc on iPad

Hehehe glad to see my challenge accepted by a certain stubborn woman in NZ :)  don't worry, I already have the next few months worth of challenges up my sleeve, helps having a LOT of time to plan and think :)

On serious note, I'm tired of sitting back while life just passes me by, always watching, never able to fully experience it for myself, well that stops now!

I need to tackle back control of myself by whatever means available and to put myself first otherwise, I'm just existing through life, not living it.

I might have a lot of problems etc but I can do this in spite of them just takes some creative thinking on my part.

More on that later

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Sat 8th Feb 2013

Saturday, finally fell asleep at 9.30 am this morning, been struggling to get some sleep for couple days now and thank goodness my body just crashed and I got 4.5 hours in one go :)  Hopefully tonight I will not have such a hard time falling asleep again - just wished the legs would not keep waking me up once I do fall asleep though that's the major issue.. oh well, least I am at home, that's what really counts.

Today Toni's boyfriend is over for the day / night again, lol for some reason he finds our couch comfortable - go figure LOL, still hmmm what are those two doing?  They're running back and forth on my front patio lol I can see them through my blinds OHHHH they let the dogs in hehehe must mean oh Paul's bringing his bike around to the window for me to have a look at, how sweet :)

Be back later :)

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Fri 8th Feb 2013

Went the the Urgent Review Clinic this morning and long story short, I can stay at home on proviso I obey some rules in respect to going back to hospital if certain things / symptoms present, plus the hospital had stuffed up on Thu morning when they discharged me, they (3 ppl confirmed the same mistake stupid ppl), they specifically told me all my medication was to be 4 hourly not my usual 6 hourly which apparently as I was told today, big major mistake, anyway, mow on 6 hrly for Clindamycin, endone and panadol

Also the course is now 14 days for my antibiotics.

While I was at the hospital waiting, it clicked with me something orange was the photo of the day challenge and here I was sitting in front of yucky but its orange walls, so here it is :)

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

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Thur 7th Feb 2013

Went to hospital at 2:00 am this morning with extreme high temps, chills, redness and swelling of the right leg, burning and very intense pain.  

All this started at around 1:30 am and rapidly worsened so I was admitted to hospital for one dose IV antibiotics then bout 8:30 am I was discharged to home on condition I return to the urgent care review clinic on Fri 9:39 am and the they'll decide if I need to be re admitted or stay at home under further care

They've increased my antibiotics strength to 4 tabs (600 mg) plus 2 tab endone, 2 tab panadol every 4 hours so to say I'm nicely doped up is an understatement

Cross fingers that the next 24 hrs show marked improvement which will allow me to continue treatment at home.

Ok :) on to the photo of the day.  Today's word was "your name" and that was pretty easy, my sister had given me this gorgeous picture that was about an explanation of my name

Due for tabs now and hopefully I can get some sleep inbetween, back tomorrow with hopefully some good news.

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

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Wed 6th Feb 2013

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Tue 5th Feb 2103

Tuesday, boy this week just flew past, actually since I started weighing in on Tues this year, each week just flies past and before I know it, it's Tue again and another weigh in.

But today, no weigh in for us, was a bad night for me, took two panadeine forte to try and knock the pain off but it didn't work, just made me extremely hyper and wide awake AND full of pain at 4.00 am, so today I just crashed and tried relaxing, reading and playing Minecraft with Toni-Maree (very relaxing and love playing together with my daughter)

So weigh in next week, but still watching what I eat, drink etc as per CalorieKing and hopefully if I feel better by end of week, the Dr has ok'ed me to go back to gym carefully though LOL have to take things very easy she said hehehe, yeah.... right.. me take it easy.. um, yeah this time I will :)

Photo of the Day challenge is "something I smelled" and what I have is my last cuppacino that I had with Nancy before she died, was a gorgeous memory to see this photo I took back then again and even though I cried today, was ok, was great to see her face in my mind and remember how fiesty she was :)  Love you Nancy :)

Photo of the Day Challenge 

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Mon 4th Feb 2013

Weird weather again today, cold at night, stuffy throughout the day, grey and sunny skies, think Mother Nature can't make up her mind what to throw at us next lol.

 

Not much happening today, legs have been burning inside, both of them which has been extremely painful, so long shower tonight hoping to make them ease up a bit for me to sleep.

 

Maggie, my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.. talk to you very soon.

 

Photo challenge of day was HOPE and this fantastic painting was given to my by Toni's boyfriend's Mum, Christine and I love it, the words are so real to me and for me, this is my hope.

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU"

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Sun 3rd Feb 2013

Sunday, another sleepless night, had to go to bed early due to leg pain but even with 2 Endone, the pain only diminished a little and I managed bout two hours sleep before giving up and just sitting up in bed with legs raised, reading, listening to music and watching movies on the now indispensable iPad.

I did however get to see another gorgeous sunrise though now late afternoon, it's grey skies, smells of rain coming and very humid, hmm wonder if I'd be lucky and get a really good long thunderstorm?

I'm really enjoying this photo a day challenge, I was reluctant to join in before because of being mostly housebound I didn't think I could be creative enough, but its fun and I'm glad I'm doing it now.  I know some people commented that it was a commitment and if I was strict enough to do it everyday, well short answer is I'll do the best I can day by day and if I can't for one or more days due to being ill then so be it :)

No more only doing things if I was assured of perfect success, I'm not perfect, my life is not perfect and if I waited to do things till everything was right, well, been there done that and that's not living, that's just existing and I'm tired of that, I want to experience life and all its positives and negatives, I just want to get out there and try new things just because I can!

On that note, I have since beginning 2013 been using the CalorieKing iPad app for tracking and I'm loving it, very easy to use and add custom foods plus recipes.

I did weigh in too at beginning of the year as did the kids plus my cat and two dogs lol, it's turned into a real family affair and we are all committed, well the humans are anyway, to making this year count, not just on the scales but health wise, emotionally and mentally as well.

As I am learning to accept with great reluctance is that for me, it can't just be the numbers / scales because with my lymphoedema, the swelling and fluid is so over the place from morning to night that if I focused on the numbers alone I would end up giving in as the constant fluctuations are so extreme from one moment to another that I have had to admit even though my head knows the reasons, my heart cannot accept and I was finding myself falling deeper and deeper into a very dark place.

The other night topped it off for me when I finally admitted to Toni that I felt such a failure, that i was not being a good mother to them because I could no longer do most things I was doing without even thinking a while ago, I mean I used to drag race at Eastern Creek and interstate, I played, coached and umpired competition Netball, played comp Tennis, swam practise every day and competed in swim meets on weekends, as well as have physical culture till I was 15 yrs, I play the piano (went to Conservatorium of Music in Sydney) then had 3 kids, was married for 15 yrs, owned my own business with my ex for over 10 yrs (automatic transmission workshop @ Hornsby).

Now, I'm housebound, super morbidly obese, wheelchair dependant, my son is my carer and socially well, what social life?

And I'll be honest, I had a mini meltdown when I told her how I was feeling, how I wondered if they would be better off without me around holding them back, how tired I was of merely existing watching everyone have a life, how I longed for just one day, one hour with no pain........

I have no answers but I am working on it......

 

Photo of the Day Challenge

"lose2liveAU" 

feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram

Sat 2nd Feb 2013

Very quiet day here, not going to post much tonight as I'm so tired and in a fair amount of pain, actually took two endone short while ago so hoping they kick in soon and help the pain lessen so I can rest

Tomorrow if well, I'll head up to Dr's for blood test and Toni will be home later that night too (she is spending Sat night at her boyfriend's parents place)

I meant to leave my Instagram username here yesterday but totally forgot, anyway, it's "lose2liveAU" so feel free to pop on by if you are using Instagram :)

Photo of the Day Challenge

Fri 1st Feb 2013

Wow this year is flying past, didn't help that since 2nd Dec I had been sick 3 separate times with cellulitis, I'd go on course antibiotics tablets and after finishing I'd get sick again within 2 or 3 days, till this last attack actually put me into hospital for four days of IV antibiotics followed by ten days at home with oral antibiotics.

So I have finished my course of tabs last Wed night and after checkup with my Dr today, so far looks good, but have to have blood test on Sun to check on my levels etc,

Also, she wouldn't give me a new script of antibiotics to have at home ready as usual, instead, she said if I don't have any at home, might help me go to hospital faster next time - point taken Doc!

So basically that's me, boring, resting, nothing exciting happening sigh.

Oh I did join in the Feb Photo a Day challenge that's currently running, today being "fork"

Here is the Instagram URL : http://instagr.am/p/VLk4stnwp2/ hope I did it right.

Photo of the Day Challenge

1st Jan 2013 - Tues

First day of the new year, slept most of it away to be honest, every time I woke up, spoke to kids for a while then crashed again, obviously Xmas took a lot more out of me than I thought plus still being on bed rest etc.

So not complaining :) just rolled back over and slept lol

Legs are doing well though, redness in the right leg has almost gone to a faint pink colour now and the pain has decreased from the unbearable, back to what is the new normal level for me.

So, all in all things are improving.

Hopefully I get my new hard drive tomorrow thank goodness, am missing my computer heaps and I didn't want to get behind when my new Tafe online classes start in couple weeks.

Will also be planning what my hopes and goals will be for the coming months too in regards to what steps I need to do in what order to achieve what I'm hoping to this coming year.

Will be seeing my local doctor this week too (and Michael needs to see her too) then need to contact the lymphoedema clinic at either Blacktown or Westmead.

Oh I have finally cancelled my online WW membership, prices going up and quality of service was going down, plus when they admit that I was too hard for them to work with in regards to being over 200 kg plus my disabilities, lack of mobility etc, well, lets just say I'm tired of people telling what I can't do, or what they can't do for me, it's time to take back control.

Thank god for this iPad, without it I'd be lost to be honest.  Being able to still be in contact with people, FB, blogs, etc, makes being housebound not such a lonely place.

New Year's Eve 2012

Mins to go before we see the end of 2012

Been a tough and unforgiving year in many ways, my health and mobility taking a real step backwards as well as the death of my sister Lynne in March due to cancer.

Then ending 2012 back on antibiotics plus 24/7 bed rest from cellulitis has really   knocked me around and for a little bit, I was really starting to doubt my ability to keep going, but after talking to my kids, as usual, they helped me focus on the positives in my life and has made me more determined than ever to finally take control back of my medical / health situation which will in turn help with my weight loss and fitness.

Small steps.

No drastic plans, no dieting, just keeping things simple, basic and manageable, one day at a time and learning that even though my life feels out of my control on so many aspects doesn't make it impossible, just makes it more rewarding when I do finally end up heading in the right direction.

One thing I was going to stop was this blog, I felt that since I wasn't losing, wasn't successful, in fact my life was extraordinarily boring that I was being a fool in keeping it going, actually I'm still umming and ahhing, but for now, here is the last post for 2012, I may be back 1st Jan determined to keep my blog open, we will see.

Christmas Eve 2012

Hot, muggy, steamy, feels like a storm coming but it's all just wishful thinking...
Kids asleep, dogs are tucked away in their kennel, cat is snoring on one of the kid's bed.

And I'm awake :)

Merry Christmas to you all and I wish you all a very happy and enjoyable day with your families.

I'll be back before New Years, so until then, good night and God bless you all and to those who are no longer with us here on earth, I remember you with love and bittersweet memories.

I miss you most of all Lynne, our first Christmas without you just feels so wrong somehow.

Friday 8th Dec - Weigh Day

Fri 8th Dec

Original Weight: 233.2 kg (2010)
Last week's Weight: 206.8 kg
Current Weight: 206.0 kg
Weekly Weight loss: -0.8 kg
Overall loss: -27.2 kg

Still sick with whatever this is, it's not the usual cellulitis that attacks my right leg, this is the left one and just above the knee where there is usually a slight bulge, is massively swollen and has now become bigger than my left leg, new skin is stretching to hold all this fluid and that is the most painful feeling ever, harder to walk as I have to relearn how to balance my legs

No amount of resting or legs up have made this fluid move so if I'm still like this on Mon, I will go back to the Dr's and beg for help as I haven't been in so much pain even while taking strong doses Painkillers every 4 hours as I am right now.

Yes, I prob should go to hospital, but again, I'll see what happens over the weekend (stubborn I know)

BUT I had a loss regardless this week so that is good.

Toni ended up going to gym this week on her own as I wasn't up for it and apparently she had a great time LOL :)

Ok, rest time for me, catch you all later

Sunday 2nd Dec

Cellulitis left leg, extreme pain, redness and now running fever
Spending day in bed plus antibiotics and Endone
Cross fingers I improve without having to be admitted into hospital

Friday 30th November - Weigh Day

Fri 30th Nov

Original Weight: 233.2 kg (2010)
Last week's Weight: 208.2 kg
Current Weight: 208.2 kg
Weekly Weight loss: -1.4 kg
Overall loss: -26.4 kg

Last day of Spring, then it's fast track to Christmas and New Year, this year has been a complete blur to me, sorta glad to see it end and bring in new beginnings, sad to see 2012 end and with it certain memories and feelings.

Anyway, enough of that, today I weighed in and lost 1.4 kg woohoo :) AND as a family, we all lost total of -3.1 kg, yay, go us LOL :) 

Toni lost 0.7 and Michael lost 1.0 kg, not bad at all.

Went to gym today, bloody hot though, 39+ degrees and we sweltered driving there and back, thank god though the gym was air conditioned and when we got home, both air conds (lounge room and mine) were doing their job nicely, so didn't take long to cool down afterwards.

Felt good though at gym, Mel is really committed to helping me and boy she made me sweat hard through our boxing workout today - loved it though :)

Our new dishwasher is definitely making itself at home LOL, kids are using it and I'm finally getting some order back into my kitchen and my plans for total organisation of the kitchen cupboards, fridge / freezer etc are all coming to fruition.

In case I haven't said before, my mum (and my brother in law, my niece and nephew) are all coming to my place Christmas day for dinner and that's a really big deal in a couple ways and for us (kids and me) we have to really plan what we need to do leading up to Christmas in preparing the house etc for this..

I'll explain tomorrow LOL it will all make sense, I'm just so tired tonight I think I'll head off to bed early and get some rest (sleep, wake up in 1.5 hours, then have to wait till pain killers kick in and legs stop hurting as much then fall asleep for another 1.5 hours no more then do all over again, my typical night, I'm lucky if I get 4 hours a night unfortunately, but I'm used to that, cept lately I'm just not catching up at all)

Saturday 1st December

Dec is now here, first day officially Summer and boy was it hot! Was over 39.0 degrees most of the day with frequent rolls of thunder late afternoon but no real storms to help break the humidity, hopefully in next few days we will have one hell of a storm to help cool things down for a while.

Today though I slept so much as I was in some intense pain in my right leg which was frustrating as I had / was hoping to organise plans etc for the coming weeks before Christmas, oh well, such is my life.

Nothing much else to report, see, my blog is SO boring compared to others sigh, hmm.

Am on track though, exercising, drinking plenty water and started taking my multi vitamin tablet today too, the tablet is HUGE though eeek, but I managed to swallow it without gagging, yeah, go me!

Ok that's me for today :)