@ 233.2 kg   Lymphoedema   @ 207.7 kg

Every day challenges of my life, physically, mentally & emotionally.
About my family, pets, weight loss & exercise plus becoming healthier & managing my lymphoedema & other medical problems.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Weigh day end November

Start: 233.2 kg | 513.04 lb

Was: 207.8 kg | 456.7 lb

Now: 206.3 kg | 453.9

Loss: -1.3 kg | -2.9 lb

Total losses: 26.9 kg | 59.2 lb

First week using Roxy my fitbit companion plus myfitnesspal as well, steep learning curve using these programs / apps but slowly getting to grips with them especially using the steps or movements as I renamed them lol racks up an impressive score of up to 1500 per day which is great encouraging me to move more even if it's not steps per se but whole body movement or arm exercises etc, it all counts.

Apart from that though, this week has been tough physically with my legs playing up a lot, spent most of the week in bed with legs up or napping, didn't get much done in way of study which was upsetting.

Nothing much else to report except that I'm doing ok and feeling very positive both of which are very good things indeed!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Weigh Day

Start: 233.2 kg | 513.04 lb

Was: 208.6 kg | 458.9 lb
Now: 207.8 kg | 456.7 lb
Loss: -1.0 kg | -2.2 lb

Total losses: 25.6 kg | 56.3 lb

A kilo lost this week, pleased with that considering, actually, no, let's leave it as, I'm pleased :)

I missed "tom" last month but sure enough it turned up on Mon with all it's associated aches and pains, really painful actually especially with the legs as they swell up more than usual and feel very hot to touch, like I'm burning up inside as like a cellulitis attack but thankfully not an actual one.

So been a pretty ouchy past few days but hopefully finishing today or tomorrow then it's back to gym and maybe swimming (cross fingers).

Ooh I bought myself or the kids did for me :) a new flexbit flex whom I have named "Roxy" or flexy sexy Roxy lol and I know there's a fair amount of tweaking to get it set up for me example setting up my stride lengths or lack thereof as it's saying I'm doing a hell of a lot more steps than I am, so once it's adjusted for my little waddle steps hopefully will be more accurate.

But I like being able to track my sleep and steps even if it's only 50 a day, I can then strive for 55, 60 and so on.

Plus I can do my weights, seated boxing, bed dancing etc and it all gets counted, so will encourage me to do a little more each day, doesn't matter if the actual number is weird, too little or too much or for what exercise it counts, just that for each day after, I can do a little more and mentally that's a good boost.

I have got my fitness pal app too and might try that as they both link together too, as I said, tweaking to be done but that's ok, I needed something to lift my spirit up as I've been feeling pretty low recently and yeah I know, stopped blogging or answering ppl on Facebook for which I humbly apologise.

I guess I'm just disappointed that I just can't get out of the 200's and it's driving me crazy and the extra weight is literally killing me piece by piece as my legs are starting to feel the added pressure.

Plus other signs are depressing me too, mainly the lack of use my legs have been getting is leading to muscle weakness and atrophy which is really worrying.  I feel it very much so lately with back of my heel, ankles and calf, hurts to flex my feet and when I stand up it's bearable but take a step and bam, feels like hot knives stabbing the back of my heels / feet.

I'm scared I'm totally losing the use of my legs :( and that's it too late!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Weigh day and update on Michael

Start: 233.2 kg | 513.04 lb

Was: 206.2 kg | 453.6 lb
Now: 208.6 kg | 458.9 lb
Loss: +2.4 kg | +5.3 lb

Total losses: 24.6 kg | 54.1 lb

Really depressed at the moment re these numbers, just seem to be going backwards without stopping and yeah I get a couple good weeks then bam, gain after gain after gain!

Decided to take my frustrations out on planning some good meals for the coming fortnight and also did an online shop as well sticking completely to my list, yeah go me :)

Today in defence of the gain, was pretty much expected since I was out most of the day either in the car traveling to and from the hospital plus sitting in the wheelchair for hours which is definitely not good for the legs as I could feel them swelling under the thighs and above the knees as I was sitting and sure enough, when I went to get back in the car, was a real struggle not only to life my actual leg in, but to be able to physically fit both legs in AND shut the door, very tight squeeze with absolutely no gap between the door and my left leg or the middle console and my right leg and with the extra swelling under the upper thigh, I couldn't lift myself up enough to sit properly as the swelling stopped my bum / upper thigh from sitting on the seat, so very uncomfortable and ok, unsafe trip home.

Once there of course, it was a struggle to get out, go to the bathroom then such a relief to just flop into bed and immediately raise my legs up and just relax, actually Jackie, I'm sorry, I think I snoozed off while chatting to you

Anyway, it's early Thursday morning here and I'm sitting up in bed with legs still raised and actually feeling pretty ok which is great :)

In regards to why we were at the hospital today, was for Michael.  He has had a really bad sore on the front of his left leg, it's not open but it's pretty nasty looking and just won't go away, been a couple years and I finally got him to agree to get it checked out as now it's looking really bad.

So we went to the leg ulcer clinic at Blacktown Hospital and the nurse and doctor both said after looking at it and getting his history etc, well the nurse did, the doctor just sat there with her back to us, talking away on her phone.

Strangely enough, the nurse knew me from Westmead and Blacktown hospital on my many admittances and boy it was good to say I wasn't the patient :)

Anyway, they said they want to refer him to the dermatology clinic at Westmead for follow up as they have absolutely no idea what it is, they said he might have had an ulcer way back but doesn't now.

But the other concern is his left leg is twice the size of his right from toes up to the knees.  They were talking bout his lymphatic system and my ears pricked up, I had to ask since it is suspected that primary lymphoedema can be herititary.

The doctor then said in between talking on the phone mind you, that it wasn't relevant or important what I had since we're not related!

WTF?  The nurse, Michael and I just looked at each other and shook our heads.

Um hello?  I'm his mother the nurse told the doctor who just went meh and went back to talking on the phone.

I was pretty ropable by now and wanted out of there, Michael just rolled his eyes lol

Anyway, they took lots of blood and he had an X-ray as well.  Plus they took a photo of his leg to put with the referral they would send to Westmead and that was it.

Now we wait.

Michael said afterwards, she must have thought I was his wife or girlfriend so take it as compliment that I looked young enough? Lol yeah right!

In all seriousness though, we are going to ask that the dermatologist exhausts all other avenues in finding out what this is on his leg before doing the biopsy as it was the same dept, same hospital all those years ago that fucked up the biopsy on the front of my leg that awoke my lymphoedema.

We of course now know that if you suspect lymphoedema or a compromised lymphatic system, the last thing you do is open the skin on that limb or create pressure, so no blood tests, no injections, no blood pressure, nothing.

Too late for me but I be damned if I let them just play guess work on my son!

Anyway, this has turned into the post from hell I'm sure if you're still reading at this stage, but just feels good to get it all out there and I can stop worrying if for one night.

Sunday, November 10, 2013


Happy birthday to my gorgeous puppy girl Jordan, she is starting to show signs of old age but her spirit is as loving, as fun as when she was a pup.  She loves me unconditionally and I can't imagine not having her around, she is my best friend!

Also today is my middle son's birthday, Darren, but as per usual, no contact, no calls, no replies to my texts, still hurts, still makes me cry but I have to toughen up around my other two as they have basically cast him out of their lives since he obviously has no desire to be in ours, but I'm his mum, I can't do that even though it would be easier emotionally I have to admit.

On a brighter note, it's my guy's birthday tomorrow so early skype session with him and organising him coming back over to stay few months from around Xmas which we both can't wait for, miss him heaps!

Health wise, lots of pain still with legs as per usual so dealing with that, but getting a little frustrated with how quickly my legs swell back up down when I spend any time sitting up in normal chair, I can't, won't, spend the rest of my life in bed, there has to be a better alternative surely?  And of course that reflects in my weight losses and gains, so dramatic sometimes it's overwhelming, I mean to gain up to 5-6 kilos from one morning to that night?  Ok I can see and feel the weight difference from morning to night but it's a little frightening to see the actual numbers reflect that and I can only imagine the damage, the toil this constant dramatic fluctuation is taking on my body, the stretching of the skin, the heaviness when I stand or go to walk, the overall pain, it's just mind boggling that my body is withstanding all this every single day.

But I carry on, no choice.

This week's happenings are hmm Mon, Michael has to go and get a referral letter from our local doctor to take to his appointment with Ambulatory Care Dept at Blacktown Hospital which is this Wed.  But Tues, he has to go up to Mum's at Kariong to help her put stuff out after dinner for her Council pick up, so he'll be there for dinner and do all that then head home, it's about 1-1/2 hrs from home to there, so not too bad.

Hopefully on Wed, I'll be well enough to go with him as he wants my company lol and since I set all this up, I guess I should go, hopefully we will find answers and treatment for his leg finally! 

Apart from that, weather has eased off here today, actually rained a bit, didn't get the promised storm though but maybe tomorrow?

Ok signing off for now

Monday, November 4, 2013

Michael's 32nd birthday

Michael's 32nd birthday today, wow, the years, well let's say I don't feel that old?  Yeah I know I had him at 16 yrs old and boy was tough, especially since I got kicked out of home once my mum and dad found out I was pregnant, the time I needed my mum the most, she asked my dad to tell me to leave, took many years before I forgave them, actually to be truthful I don't think I ever will totally forgive?

But, 32 yrs ago I had a beautiful baby boy, 9lbs, healthy, adorable and he had my heart from the first cry.

I nearly lost him though, a month or so old, I walked into his room just "knowing / feeling" something wasn't right and found him blue lying in the cot, not breathing and cold.

I panicked and since I was living in block apartments, I knew there were people home up the apartments near the street, so I decided to pick him up and run screaming up there begging someone to help as I didn't have a phone.

Luckily someone heard and called an ambulance and with all the shaking I was doing to him running plus God's help, we were able to revive him.

He ended up spending a few weeks in hospital and was diagnosed with gastric reflux, very bad to the point he had to have regular treatment and live in a Frazer chair 24/7 till he was over a year old.  Nothing was staying down and he had to have special foods etc but we got through it, all on my own, my parents believing it was what I deserved for what I had done, sex out of marriage yada yada.

Now, he's grown into a caring loving man who drives me totally insane at times, I grumble and complain, but I love him completely.

Happy birthday to my darling son and for the record?  I have absolutely NO regrets having him at all!  NONE my dear mother, none.

Ok yesterday, Michael and I went out to the local dog off leash park to see what it was like and we ended up going back home, grabbing our labrador and heading back.  It was a really great place, fully enclosed, was inside the Western Sydney Parklands and went for miles!  nature trails, this dog park and lots of other things I'm sure we will end up discovering.

But the park, yep, we will be going again very soon especially with both dogs as Shadow had a ball meeting up with all these other dogs.

I got jumped on by some bigger dogs which cause I was sitting in the wheelchair, they landed on my legs so have ended up with bruising, swelling and a lot of pain, hmm was a little pissed their owners didn't come and get their dogs and apologise I mean, hello, they were jumping on a disabled person in a wheelchair?

Anyway, next time we are going to be careful where we put me and keep an eye out for potential jumpees lol

But still was lots of fun and I got to go out for couple hours :)

Friday, November 1, 2013

Friday update

Pinch punch for the first of the month ...

Wow this year is just flying past but I guess I've missed a fair bit of it being sick so much which is beyond frustrating but nothing I can do about it apart from what I'm doing.

Michael's 32nd birthday on the 3rd Nov, now I feel old!

Just been taking things easy since going to gym on Tues and suffering so much day or so afterwards lol but was going to go today but had an appointment at home with Hearing Aust to reset my hearing aid but they didn't bother to turn up and when I rung up they said they had cancelled it they think but didn't ring and tell me!  Now have to rebook which could take months!  Sigh.

Oh got Michael's appointment date on 13th Nov for the Ambulatory Care Dept at Blacktown Hospital, basically the Leg Ulcer clinic.  Can't wait as I'm getting very nervous at how bad his leg is looking and I desperately want him getting the right treatment ASAP so he doesn't end up like me with my legs being undiagnosed or mistreated for so long.

Poor Toni got stuck helping me unknot my hair the other night.  Problem I have with being in bed so much is my hair is always put up in a ponytail to help keep it out of my way, but it just gets so knotty and when I'm sick so much, sweaty etc, I'm just not able to brush it and after few days wow it's bad.

Tonight Michael and I are on our own again as Toni has gone to her boyfriend's house and won't be home till late Sat night, then we are going to make Sunday Michael's spoiling day lol :)

Anyway, Michael bought these incredible looking Herbert Adams pies for our dinner tonight, will let you know how they go, hang on, might have picture of boxes.

Not sure which one we are having tonight though.