@ 233.2 kg   Lymphoedema   @ 207.7 kg

Every day challenges of my life, physically, mentally & emotionally.
About my family, pets, weight loss & exercise plus becoming healthier & managing my lymphoedema & other medical problems.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

From the heart.

Life has been tough, every time I think it's going to be a good way, it usually turns out not so good in one way or another.

I keep thinking I must come on here and blog, but then the negative thoughts start crowding my mind like, "I've not done anything important anyone wants to hear" or "who wants to hear anything about my bad day again" and so on.

My self confidence has definitely ran for the hills lately and I'm doing all I can just to stay afloat with a smile.

Plans have fallen by the wayside, including planning out a home workout for Toni & I to replace our previous gym days.  Just seems so hard as I'm nearly always feeling like bleh and Toni is busy with her TAFE and work experience plus she's been so sick lately and just as we thought she was over it, the coughs come back even worse, so I most certainly don't want to be bothering her with my problems.

I did try a 30 min arms workout while sitting on side of the bed but paid for it dearly later that night which was so frustrating.  Maybe I need to a) shorten the length of time to say 10 mins at a time or b) do the arm exercises whilst in bed so takes the strain off my legs.

Or both?

I need to find some sort of middle ground because I'm determined to make this work, to get some form of exercise into either my daily routine or at least couple times a week.

As for scales, nope, they're hidden way way under my bed, haven't weighed in since last year, just got so hung up on the numbers, they really screwed my brain and again it's something I need to work out but for now, no weighing in for me.... yet!

Weights, numbers, losses, gains plus limited mobility plus hypothyroidism plus lymphoedema all really do not work together and it's such a struggle to just get up in the morning and get on with the day.

A real catch 22 situation, I need to lose weight, need to exercise and move around but can't or can a little with extreme pain, so need to lose weight to enable easier mobility and lessen the pain in doing more exercise and move / walk more

Confused?  Me too :)

All I know is it's so hard to lose weight when the fluid gains daily or even hourly from lymphoedema in both legs fluctuates so extremely all the time which means more more heavier limbs, much more pain in even lifting a leg let alone the pain of my skin stretching to what seems it's limits to cater for all this excess toxic fluid, then to weigh in and see the numbers widely swing up by several or more kilos in hours is just heartbreaking and I have to be honest here.

I did give up

There, I admitted it.

I'm ashamed in myself, I'm embarrassed to write it, desperately sad to think what you must all think of me right now, I gave up