29th March - Thur

After speaking to my brother in law this morning I decided to go to the gym this afternoon

Was teary at first being there remembering how much my sister loved and needed Curves plus having people telling me how great they thought she was even though they only recently met her , but eventually managed to get it together and have a really hard 30 min workout

Afterwards I was so pumped and glad that I did go 

28th March - Wed

I am coming back soon I promise, it's just been harder than I thought it would be, losing my sister, funeral, my health etc.

I'm scared but I want to get back into doing things right again and I hope I haven't lost your faith in me because to be honest I have lost faith lately in a lot of things and people including myself and I want to prove to myself, my family, my friends and loyal readers that I can do this!

17th Mar - Sat

Home again late this afternoon, lots to think about, sort out and process I think.  But we all agree (my brother-in-law, niece, nephew, my mum and my kids) that we need to focus on getting back into routine be it work, tafe, study, gym etc, that is what my sister would have wanted, but hard as it will be, we need to do this for her.

So after a breather today / tomorrow / monday, I'll look at going back to the gym on Tues and picking up my studying again as well as refocusing on my health, fitness, weight and my lymphoedema.

Thanks again for all your support and best wishes for our family at this time, you have no idea how much I valued all of your messages and phone calls.

15th Mar - Thu - my sister's birthday

Was dreading today, would have been my sister's 50th birthday today, she so wanted to make it, but.....

We will be heading up there later this morning (round 10.30 am or so) damn, hard to believe 10.00 am last week this day, she passed away.... and now today her birthday and tomorrow the funeral, it just sucks...

I'll be back early next week.

11th March - Sun

I just want to curl up in bed and stay asleep, it's been a very long few days and the kids and I came home late Saturday afternoon just to have a few days to spend together alone before heading back up the Central Coast on Thu for another few days.

The tribute race night at my sister's and brother in law's Slot Car shop was overwhelming with love, support and grief, but was very special to us all.

I'm struggling a bit with words so I won't ramble on here, but my sister's funeral is next Fri 16th March at 10.30 am with a get together at the RSL afterwards (we hired a room there) so I know that is going to be a very long day.

Mum is coping, just, and it's strange, my role as the youngest daughter, suddenly has shifted and I"m just not sure where I fit in now?  Does that make sense?  I'm just really confused and I don't think it's hit me yet that I have lost my big sister and life really has become a lot harder without my best friend.

My niece and nephew have been wonderful, I'm constantly in contact with them both by txt, phone and facebook while I'm back here at home and that's helping them but definitely helping me too.

John my brother in law is gorgeous, he's such a softie and he adored his Lynne as I know she did him too.

Lynne wrote on her status on FB soon after we found out the cancer had spread and that the chemo wasn't working - "Life sucks" and you know what, it does!

8th March - Thursday

As of 10.00 am Thursday 8th March my darling brave gorgeous sister Lynne, passed away at home peacefully.

Her funeral will be Fri 16th March but tomorrow night we will be having a "minis for lynnie" race night at their family slot cars center up the Central Coast as a tribute memorial get together

The kids and I will be home Sat for few days then head back next Thu to spend time with family as that would have been Lynne's 50th birthday (15th Mar)

7th Mar - Wed

I'm currently up the Central Coast with my kids staying at Mum's.

My big sister who has battled and won breast cancer recently found out that the cancer had returned and spread to her back, liver, lung and as of two weeks ago her hip

Two weeks ago they stopped chemo as it hadn't slowed the cancer and that was why I wanted to spend my birthday with her and the whole family.

But as of Sat she suddenly worsened and went downhill so fast it's taken us all by surprise and the doctors have said we would be lucky if she is still here end of this week

So we are spending time together with all the family at my sister's home where she is since she is in no pain we are looking after her at home in familiar surroundings

My niece Kate and my nephew Andrew have been wonderful and Lynne's husband John is such a loving caring man who is looking after her so beautifully

It is so hard seeing my darling sister in bed wasting away before our eyes, she hasn't eaten or drank since Friday, sleeping nearly all the time and when awake not comprehending but she has these moments when it all comes clear for a moment and tonight was one time. I was about to leave for a break and we were all in the room just gently talking to each other when suddenly her voice piped up calling my name not once but twice and she opened her eyes and looked right at me before she fell asleep again

Precious memory.

Kids are worried about me and my legs bless them but right now I can't focus on me

So it's late I'm tired but scared to sleep in case we get a phone call

3rd Mar - Sat - Weigh Day (late)

Previous weight: 193.3 kg | 425.26 lb
Current weight: 192.5 kg | 423.50 lb
Lost / Gained: -1.4 kg | -3.08 lb

2012 weight loss: +1.9 kg | +4.18 lb

Total overall loss: -40.7 kg | -89.54 lb

Quick post to update weighing data - hopefully back in couple days when recovered from this last cellulitis flare-up.

Weighed today since yesterday I was too sick to stand