@ 233.2 kg   Lymphoedema   @ 207.7 kg

Every day challenges of my life, physically, mentally & emotionally.
About my family, pets, weight loss & exercise plus becoming healthier & managing my lymphoedema & other medical problems.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

From the heart.

Life has been tough, every time I think it's going to be a good way, it usually turns out not so good in one way or another.

I keep thinking I must come on here and blog, but then the negative thoughts start crowding my mind like, "I've not done anything important anyone wants to hear" or "who wants to hear anything about my bad day again" and so on.

My self confidence has definitely ran for the hills lately and I'm doing all I can just to stay afloat with a smile.

Plans have fallen by the wayside, including planning out a home workout for Toni & I to replace our previous gym days.  Just seems so hard as I'm nearly always feeling like bleh and Toni is busy with her TAFE and work experience plus she's been so sick lately and just as we thought she was over it, the coughs come back even worse, so I most certainly don't want to be bothering her with my problems.

I did try a 30 min arms workout while sitting on side of the bed but paid for it dearly later that night which was so frustrating.  Maybe I need to a) shorten the length of time to say 10 mins at a time or b) do the arm exercises whilst in bed so takes the strain off my legs.

Or both?

I need to find some sort of middle ground because I'm determined to make this work, to get some form of exercise into either my daily routine or at least couple times a week.

As for scales, nope, they're hidden way way under my bed, haven't weighed in since last year, just got so hung up on the numbers, they really screwed my brain and again it's something I need to work out but for now, no weighing in for me.... yet!

Weights, numbers, losses, gains plus limited mobility plus hypothyroidism plus lymphoedema all really do not work together and it's such a struggle to just get up in the morning and get on with the day.

A real catch 22 situation, I need to lose weight, need to exercise and move around but can't or can a little with extreme pain, so need to lose weight to enable easier mobility and lessen the pain in doing more exercise and move / walk more

Confused?  Me too :)

All I know is it's so hard to lose weight when the fluid gains daily or even hourly from lymphoedema in both legs fluctuates so extremely all the time which means more more heavier limbs, much more pain in even lifting a leg let alone the pain of my skin stretching to what seems it's limits to cater for all this excess toxic fluid, then to weigh in and see the numbers widely swing up by several or more kilos in hours is just heartbreaking and I have to be honest here.

I did give up

There, I admitted it.

I'm ashamed in myself, I'm embarrassed to write it, desperately sad to think what you must all think of me right now, I gave up


  1. If you really had given up you would not be here in this world, so there is a part of you (no matter how small) that still wants to be here. 30 minutes is a huge amount in 1 go, break it down to 3 x 5 minute blocks, but you know that, you know it was to much, you know to break it into small chunks.You just need to do it. Do 1 min today, it may not seem much but it will be 1 more minute than yesterday or the day before and so on..... these minutes will build up and before you know it, it will be 10 minutes and so on...... And those that think you are a loser or useless are people you don't need in your life anyway, they say you only have about 1-3 good friends in life that are true friends, thats all you need. Talk to them ,lean on them when times get tough.... Yes it is hard to lose weight, it may take years not months, glad you are not weighing, back to basics, start doing a small bit of exercise a day, do it in bed nothing wrong with that. Focus on building up the fitness, leave the scales under the bed. And be proud of who you are and be proud when you do 1 minute of exercise - don't sit there and say well thats a waste, I should be doing more. Don't could, would should...... JUST DO!!!!!! Now have a happy day :)

  2. hey nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about…because yo haven't given up.
    You are still here, you are still trying.
    Forget the 30 minutes…break it down so you do do 30 minutes over the day….or given 10 minutes over the day and build up…something is better than nothing.
    You are one strong lady, wish I had half your strength and courage..dealing with you have on a daily basis is mind boggling. You are a inspiration to me xx

  3. Hi. Often think of you and wonder how you and your family are doing.

    There is no shame in disability. You have fought and struggled to maintain as much of a life as possible. In so many ways you are a hero. Maybe it's time to take stock of all your successes however small they may seem at first glance and focus on them. You must be tired of trying to be strong. Time to accept that you are strong in many areas and keep on reminding yourself... the failures, if there are any, don't really matter in the big scheme..

    I heard something the other day that made me think.

    You deal with as much of the past and present as you can but the pain NEVER goes away. It just is and you learn to live with it.

    It's always there, always in the background even when you forget about it. It colours your life but it cannot destroy you. Even physical pain while totally draining and exhausting can be lived with as you have proven.

    Take care of yourself and try to smile through.

    One special piece of advice...... Please have a go at giving up anything with wheat in it. Try for a day, it won't make much difference but if you can do one day you can do two until you have a month. Sugar, (and artificial sweeteners) and bread are killers. Study the autoimmune diets. Some people with awful problems are getting great success but it does take time and persistence to succeed. You are good at both.

    *smiles and sending love and hugs.

  4. We all give up time and time again, and we should not be embarrassed by it. It's getting up and trying again that matters, and you, like me, will do that.
    Stop worrying about the bloody numbers, some things are totally out of your control, you know that.
    Just focus on being as fit and healthy as you can be, it's all you can do. {{{HUGS}}}

  5. The nature of blogging is that you follow people through the ups and downs! We are here to help in any way we can and look forward to sharing some happy times with you very soon down the track. Until then.....hugs xoxo


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