From the heart.

Life has been tough, every time I think it's going to be a good way, it usually turns out not so good in one way or another.

I keep thinking I must come on here and blog, but then the negative thoughts start crowding my mind like, "I've not done anything important anyone wants to hear" or "who wants to hear anything about my bad day again" and so on.

My self confidence has definitely ran for the hills lately and I'm doing all I can just to stay afloat with a smile.

Plans have fallen by the wayside, including planning out a home workout for Toni & I to replace our previous gym days.  Just seems so hard as I'm nearly always feeling like bleh and Toni is busy with her TAFE and work experience plus she's been so sick lately and just as we thought she was over it, the coughs come back even worse, so I most certainly don't want to be bothering her with my problems.

I did try a 30 min arms workout while sitting on side of the bed but paid for it dearly later that night which was so frustrating.  Maybe I need to a) shorten the length of time to say 10 mins at a time or b) do the arm exercises whilst in bed so takes the strain off my legs.

Or both?

I need to find some sort of middle ground because I'm determined to make this work, to get some form of exercise into either my daily routine or at least couple times a week.

As for scales, nope, they're hidden way way under my bed, haven't weighed in since last year, just got so hung up on the numbers, they really screwed my brain and again it's something I need to work out but for now, no weighing in for me.... yet!

Weights, numbers, losses, gains plus limited mobility plus hypothyroidism plus lymphoedema all really do not work together and it's such a struggle to just get up in the morning and get on with the day.

A real catch 22 situation, I need to lose weight, need to exercise and move around but can't or can a little with extreme pain, so need to lose weight to enable easier mobility and lessen the pain in doing more exercise and move / walk more

Confused?  Me too :)

All I know is it's so hard to lose weight when the fluid gains daily or even hourly from lymphoedema in both legs fluctuates so extremely all the time which means more more heavier limbs, much more pain in even lifting a leg let alone the pain of my skin stretching to what seems it's limits to cater for all this excess toxic fluid, then to weigh in and see the numbers widely swing up by several or more kilos in hours is just heartbreaking and I have to be honest here.

I did give up

There, I admitted it.

I'm ashamed in myself, I'm embarrassed to write it, desperately sad to think what you must all think of me right now, I gave up

Looking forward to turning 50

2015

This is the year I turn 50.

I'm grateful and blessed to have made it this far as when I was a baby, my parents when they were in processes of adopting me were told to "pick another child, this one has so many medical problems as my birth mother was thought to have had German measles while pregnant with me (turns out to be true) and there were very high risks that I would have either or all of these symptoms, deafness (check), blindness (check), weak respiratory system (asthma - check), Eczema (check), brain / mental issues (none so far though my kids would argue that lol)

So here I am today, on the eve of my birthday, feeling a whole gamut of emotions.  Remembering my sister who tragically passed away a week short of her 50th birthday 3 years ago, knowing how she fought for one more day makes me determined to take control of my life back and learn to live it to the fullest in spite of all my physical, emotional and financial difficulties.

And of course as most of you know, I have had over the past months been struggling with my middle child, my son D and for now, I'm going to leave that there for another post.

Today, I'm just glad to be back here blogging again, grateful to my kids for being so supportive and pushing me to open the blog back up and do what I love most, write.

But there will be changes, the blog is more about incorporating all aspects of my life, not just focussing on one part like before which was the weight loss.  Now I've finally accepted that for me, it's about learning to make all the different parts of me meld together and help me become a better version of myself, living life each day to the best of my ability and to accept with graciousness the setbacks and limits that my disabilities cause me every single day.

So, my blog will be about me and my life, from 50 beyond.

Weight loss, healthier eating habits, recipes, my health, disabilities, exercises, links, inspirational quotes, stories, family news, photos are just all part of where I'm leading my blog to be, all the different parts making up one whole of me!

I'd love to have join me on this discovery of my life, from 50 beyond

Found this on the web, fantastic explanation & so spot on!!!