Update Sun, afternoon tea with my family

Had a fantastic day today, mum and John came down for afternoon tea up at our local coffee shop.  First time I've ever done that, the afternoon tea bit and it was really nice.  We sat at the tables outside and had cappuccino with a large hot scone, jam & cream, delicious.

This of course was my early birthday treat and I really enjoyed it, thanks Mum :)

Kids have been sneaking around whispering etc lol not hard to guess what about, but I'm loving it.  I never had birthdays etc celebrated when I was with my ex husband as he didn't believe in it, so for fifteen years, nada.

So kids are making it up for me and it's a lot fun, not at all to do with money or expensive gifts, but rather time together with fun little things like special dinner or sweets etc.

I am anxiously waiting to see what they've cooked up for me in more ways than one!

Hehehe hopefully not a bag of marbles which is what I bought my mum for her 80th as she kept saying she hoped she didn't end up losing her marbles, so I bought her a big bag of them hehehehe

Ok I'll be back on Tuesday with a big update on my big day, well, 49th to be precise lol

19th Feb - weight results

Start: 233.2 kg | 513.04 lb

Was: 195.1 kg | 429.2 lb

Now: 198.0 kg | 435.6 lb

Loss: +2.9 kg | +6.4 lb

Total losses: -35.2 kg | -77.4 lb

Losses for 2014: -7.4 kg | -16.3 lb

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Legs feel great and light even with a gain this week I'm not too disheartened, ok a little bit but I have to remember, I've had some really big losses over the past few weeks and to gain 2.9 kg is pretty tame in the overall scheme of things.

So on to new week with some challenges coming up ie my birthday lol.

Plus our new stove has arrived at the store and is all paid for as of today and will be installed on Friday - woohoo, can't wait!

Tomorrow apparently I have an appointment at home with Hearing Australia, news to me, but ok whatever, they were supposed to turn up months ago but kept cancelling on me, now at least I know they're turning up thanks to a phone call today, so even then they couldn't tell me if morning or afternoon, geez thanks.

Rain rain and more rain but where the heck is / are these promised thunderstorms eh?  BRING ME MY THUNDERSTORMS lol sigh.

Ok, since no gym today due to extreme wet weather, I must compensate somehow here at home, maybe some dumbell exercises watching MKR, but then again, some of the contestants make me want to throw something at the screen so maybe not?  LOL :)

On for the new week :)

Weight results Wed 5th Feb

Start: 233.2 kg | 513.04 lb

Was: 196.5 kg | 432.3 lb

Now: 195.4 kg | 429.9 lb

Loss: -1.1 kg | -2.49 lb

Total losses: -37.8 kg | -83.16 lb

Losses for 2014: -10.0 kg | -22.0 lb

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Well well, a loss of 1.1 kg this week, love it :) so since start of 2014 till now which is 5 weeks, I have lost 10.0 kilos, VERY happy with that.

Things are slowly getting back to what passes as the new normal around here.  

Our visitor who has been here since early Dec left to go back to Melb today so it's just us 3 again which is fantastic lol :) - so much better now, my friendship with this person goes back nearly 8+ years but I've had to finally accept that it was a toxic relationship! had it's good moments! but the majority of time it felt like I was back in my old marriage! I doing everything and getting nothing back in return, to the point on this visit, it felt like we were being used as a hotel, he taking everything from us and giving nothing back.  In fact, he was so rude to me, putting me down all the time, if the kids said something, he'd agree with them but if I said the same thing, he'd say I was wrong and stupid etc.

The kids were getting really upset with how he was treating me and frankly so was I.  I hate giving up on people but I can't continue this friendship anymore.  We no longer have any interests in common, when he's back home he only talks to me when he wants me to do something like eBay etc for him, we don't talk apart from that.  He never asks how I'm doing, even when I'm sick, he believes in everything I don't eg he's racist, extremely vulgar in language, sexist, he hates his family, talks all the time about killing his mum, his brother etc, he holds grudges, swears he'll kill anyone who crosses him, he has weapons and ammo hidden in his room and because of excessive drug use he became paranoid with depressive tendencies which he then "used" to get the disability pension.  Which he now gloats over how much he gets for doing nothing, he has been prescribed medication which he pretends he's taking to everyone else but to me he brags how he fills the script out but throws them away.

Ahhh this is cathartic :). I've never been able to admit this before, but I need to walk away from this "relationship" and I'm at peace about it.

All I wrote above is the tip of the iceberg, but you get the point.  After this visit (18th Dec till today) I'm out of pocket a lot as we paid for everything, food, drink plus the little room (which he did pay a weekly rent to the company direct for) but he used the air conditioner all the time in there so I'll have to pay extra on my next electricity bill, so yep, I'm broke.

If he even offered to pay for his share meals or drink, or offer to help us round the house etc, would have been great, but he didn't, he just lounged all day in lounge room watching tv or playing computer games in his room just popping out to ask when dinner etc, he left our front door unlocked at night, always came into my room when I was asleep and just stand right next to my head and just stare at me till I woke up then smirked and walked away.

He just seemed to think me and everything that was mine was his, he'd go through my drawers, read my papers, go through my purse, go on my computer etc, when I asked him to stop he'd laugh at me and keep doing it, he'd wake me up all the time, said I was sleeping too much, he made the kids so mad this time round, even Toni was snapping at him to stop treating me like he was, he just saw me as his I don't know what actually?

I am scared of him to be honest, this is a man who on arrival asked for a knife to put under his bed, he kept saying if anyone broke into his room he'd stab them and take the body up the Blue Mountains to dispose of... I don't know how much was bluff, but I've had enough.

So he's gone back home and I've removed all ties to him from my computer as in contact, like Skype etc so he can't see if I'm there or not.  I want out, he's not the friend he used to be in the past, he's not good for my family and it's time I stood up and say I'm worth better than this!

But I'm sad too.