Reaffirming

Starting afresh, well not so much restarting but reaffirming?

I badly want to just be under 200 kg, I haven't got any time limits, restraints or grandiose ideas, I just want to put the 200's behind me once and for all if possible.

I know now that it's going to be an immense struggle, day by day having to juggle tracking, eating healthily, eating enough, drinking water more, Pepsi max less, move a little more often, even if just 5 mins, is better than nothing, exercise little but often, accepting that a lot of littles make up a big.

Focus more on building my immune system up, staying healthy and resting legs, this is key, the foundation of what I ultimately want to achieve which is weight loss and becoming stronger physically, mentally and emotionally.  That is the ultimate reward and my plan moving forward.

To achieve this I need to go back to basics, which includes blogging in some form, I have been on my iPad but not online and I'd like to go back to online as I loved being in contact and it helped keep me sane and feeling like I had some sort of control even when I didn't.

It also includes planning our meals, working out shopping lists and going online and ordering, I've struggled with this as I seem to drag my feet in getting organised each fortnight to do this on set days and I think I've figured it out why.  I think I was resenting online shopping because I saw it as stopping me from my only chance of getting out of the house as it seems lately IF I do get to go out, it's only to the shops, so if I start doing online shopping that's going to take away my only excuse for getting out.  Hmm not sure how to work this one out as the kids have both really drawn back from taking me out full stop.  I know it's hard work for them to take me out too and I'm now not even bothering to ask "can I go too?" as well, I guess it's easier without dragging me around as my son is very quick to point out.

So I guess, no I know, I'll start organising my online shop each fortnight.

Exercise, now this is a tricky one as it's very much a "catch 22" situation and I have to admit I'm a little lost as to how to handle it.

I'll try and explain.

When I exercise, my body is shaking and moving fluids around for example the lymphatic system needs to be manually pumped so moving my legs, ankles, calves and feet are pumping the fluid up my legs, around the body, the nodes etc and on it goes with the job of cleaning my body up of all the nasty toxins, excess protein etc

Which is great, except because of my diseases, a lot of this fluid getting moved around is old toxic stagnant fluid that is full of nasties that as it's getting shaken loose and forced to move, it's actually making me very sick, nauseous and 8 / 10 times I end up with an cellulitis episode, so yay for exercising but nay to then being sick and needing to recover.

So instead, I'm going to approach it differently, instead of set exercise times of set amounts, I'm going to aim for "lots of littles make a big" lol, exercise in little amounts often and see if maybe I can limit the repercussions until my body is able to cope better with longer amounts.

Well, that's my theory anyway, so will try that this week and see.  I need to try!

Ok that's enough for now, I'm still umming and ahhing as to posting this, not sure actually as I know people will sigh and say here we go again and as I've had quite a few people point out, I shouldn't blog as I'm not any sort of inspiration to anyone with my inadequate weight loss, I'm  obviously too big and should just give up and stop boring everyone.

So do I don't i?  Do I really want to put myself out there?  Am I brave enough?  I guess it boils down to just that.