Sun 16th Sept

Again only couple hours sleep then pain / legs gets me up again, so decided to sit back and watch the sun coming up - turned into another blue sky, nice breeze, sunshiny type of day - love Spring :)

Went back to bed about 10.00 after tablets, but after tossing turning for 1.5 hours I knew I wasn't going to have any sleep, so just laid back in bed and read - love my Iphone for all the ebooks I can have on there at my beck and call.

Back up for lunch, watched online recordings of "The Block NZ" (love that show) and just generally pottered around till later in afternoon when I went down for "brief" nap that turned into 2 hours!  Hmm LOL :)

Legs still haven't shown any release in fluid pressure (still feel like they're going to burst through my skin) nor in size but the tabs are controlling the pain a little better which is a major plus.

Dr did want me on slow release morphine based tablets, but I was nervous about that as I had that in hospital and was violently sick so we stopped it and reversed back to Endone (oxycodone) which does work and now I'm taking it every 6 hours for next 20 days, hopefully will help my body to finally relax and start to heal.

Didn't do any study this weekend or work on the online shop I'm setting up for "Slotz-A-Fun Slot Cars" (my sister's and brother in law's business - now my nephew has become partners with his dad (my brother in law) after Lynne passed away)

Sigh anyway, day 2 of tracking is going well, just about to go and have a late dinner so good night and see you all tomorrow :)

Sat 15th Sept

First day back tracking full time and eating good meals throughout the day (normally I pick and not eat much at all which doesn't help in my weight loss believe it or not LOL)

So WW has put me on 66 points and I  had 59 points and felt great, even had plenty of rests throughout the day (thanks to pain killers) but only for hour here and there but add them up they count I'm sure.

Night time sleep is still elusive though, only again 1 or 2 hours at a time and that is frustrating but a side effect of lymphoedema in legs I'm afraid.

Anyway, not got much else to say so taking my 12.00 (midnight) tablets and heading off to bed to read / fall asleep / read / fall asleep pattern.

Fri 14th Sept - Weigh Day

Original weight: 233.2 kg
Restart weight: 212.9 kg - 14th Sept (Fri)

Been a while I know, it's been a pretty horrible last few weeks and it shows on the scales - I am suffering pretty badly with my legs being the most swollen they have been for a very long time and oh so heavy, to even get up and lift them so I can walk is excruciating and now I'm back being housebound as I cannot fit in the car (but forced myself today so I could see the doctor as she was worried bout me and wanted to discuss options for my medical treatment - more on that later)

So, I'm now 212.9 kg and yes I know it's mostly lymphatic fluid but it's still upsetting to see those numbers and remember a time last year when I was trying to get below 172.0 but I will focus on here and now and not stress about what was.

Doctor has now put me on max dose of antibiotics for next 20 days, plus she's given me a "special" script to allow me to have enough Endone (Pain tablets - oxycodone) for next 20 days as well, she wants me to take 1 tab 4 times daily.

I also had blood taken today vials and vials of it LOL she ordered extra tests to try and see what's going on in regards to lingering infections etc as well as my other levels ( Vit B12, Vit D, thryroid, iron etc)

Negatives:

- housebound again.
- I can just get in the car but struggle to shut the door against my legs as they're so swollen now they're literally being pushing into the console (right leg) and the door (left leg) so once the door is shut, I cannot move the legs at all
- way over 200 kg again
- Pain almost 24/7 and even though I am pretty tolerant of pain over the years, these past few weeks have been off the charts
- I'm crabby, miserable, emotionally drained, bursting in tears at drop of hat (even at the doctor's surgery today)
- can't get to gym
- sitting in wheelchair for longer than 20 mins isn't possible anymore as the legs swell up even more

Positives:

- I haven't given up
- I can go back to tracking and eating regular meals, regular times
- Got enough pain killers now for next 20 days (4 x per day) which should hopefully allow me some sleep as well
- I can exercise from home in chair or bed
- I can still enjoy my sunshine from the bed
- I can still bop around to my favourite music
- I can get the weight down no matter how long or how slowly
- I'm alive!

I can't give up and I won't give in, I just have to take each day as it comes with all it's up and downs and remain positive and focused in spite of it all.

Thu 6th Sept

waves madly to everyone

I'm still here, just struggling really badly at moment physically as my legs have both swollen to the point I am unable to get into the car again for the past week.

Pain as you can imagine with the skin stretching so much and so much fluid is excruciating and I am on hourly pain meds, so pretty much out of things.

Luckily my Dr has been fantastic, she's been in contact with me via phone (unfortunately she's not allowed to do house calls but she approves scripts over the phone and my daughter picks them up from the medical centre) and on Fri, Toni is going in to see her and report in on my progress as Dr DeVera has now upped my antibiotics and issued more painkillers etc to see if we can start decreasing the sheer size of my legs and fluid.

It's like lifting bags of cement and trying to walk, even a few steps out of bed to the bathroom is agony and you wouldn't be in a rush either believe me as it takes me FOREVER to get there :(

BUT enough doom and gloom, I just wanted to update and let you know I'm still around, on computer via bed and iphone, so please drop me a message, have a chat, txt me whatever :) just feels good to still touch base with you all

Plus, been beautiful weather too so kids have been opening the blinds and front door in my room to let the sunshine and breeze in, again, just to make me feel less enclosed in and it's working... barely LOL

Sad thing is I have had to cancel gym last week and now again this week, :( but as Mel said, nothing stopping me from going back and doing my arm exercises etc in bed, so that's a definite thing I'll be doing.