Wed 27th June

Not too bad waking up this morning apart from the usual aches and pains with the legs, but they were still considerably more swollen than normal which is worrying, so will work on keeping them up as much as possible again which is well, I hate having one day forward then like ten days backwards.. it's frustrating.

Miserable day today, cold, windy, drizzling, just the type of day actually to be housebound I guess, see, find the positive :)

Oh, I have a zillion little elves for sale too, if any wants them, they're continually in my leg pounding away on the front leg bones on both legs, only way to describe it, like little elves with little hammers going bang bang bang ... somedays hardly notice others like today, they are really painful!

Ok, enough of doom & gloom, dinner tonight was homemade beef casserole, very tasty and very filling for lowish points.

I also did a major online shop which arrived today full of lots of food staples, fruit and vegies and should see us through till Thu week hopefully, first time in months I actually followed through in doing the online shop, so again another good thing.

I'm slowly getting things back together again, it's tougher than I thought it would be though, little things happen that throw me off badly and it's not as easy to get up after each one and put that "happy" face back on.

Also, it's hard when I really want to do something but I just can't anymore even small things like washing up etc.. sink is too high for me when I'm sitting down, I can't use the hotplates either, again too high let alone cupboards above, just everyday things are tough to impossible to do.  Frustrating!

It's also very humbling having to ask your kids to do simple things for you like making coffee etc.. on my good days I can potter around using the chair in middle of room, but things that usually take 5 mins end up taking 20 mins etc..

And I have learnt that kids never ever clean the house the way I would have and that too is so frustrating, I hate constantly harping about having things done as a routine, but I just can't seem to get my son to realise that routines actually help make life easier, instead of leaving all washing up for days on end, if you do it each night after dinner, it's simple and over with quick but no, he just puts it off and off and off and.. well, you get the point.

Another failure on my part, another thing to put on the list of things I struggle at doing, I confess, I see it as that I'm failing as a mother that I can't even keep my house clean and tidy like I should, grrrrr, sorry, I'm really suffering tonight with pain and I tend to swallow it and not show it to the kids but instead I'm writing it in here, I'd probably come back later and delete this post, don't like people seeing me like this, sorry everyone

I'm struggling to think of positives at this point, maybe that I can still do some cooking / baking, but no that's not a positive when I have to get the kids to get all the stuff ready for me on the table first..

Enough tonight