17th Feb - Fri - Weigh Day

Previous weight: 193.3 kg | 425.26 lb
Current weight: 193.9 kg | 426.58 lb
Lost / Gained: +0.6 kg | +1.32 lb

2012 weight loss: +3.3 kg | +7.26 lb
Total overall loss: -39.3 kg | -86.46 lb

I'm wrote something in FB that I had been struggling with and I'm going to copy and paste it here which might help explain how I'm feeling atm (apologies to those who might have already read it)

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Ok here goes (gulp) in the spirit of accountability, I will say I weighed in yesterday even though I seriously was thinking bout not doing so as I know the numbers lately have been getting to me, not the gaining and losing part but the part where the numbers dictate willingly or unwillingly my mood and mental state for the day / week even though I thought I was ok about it, knowing that fluid, lymphoedema, lack of mobility etc was a major part of my weight loss journey that I couldn't control esp on the scales but I did weigh in..

gained as expected but "only" 600 grams, now 193.9 kg

sigh, on with another week leading up to my birthday LOL
...
AND it's starting out as a beautiful day here in Sydney, blue skies, sunshine, cool breeze, kids asleep, dogs / cat asleep, just me up bright and early (couldn't sleep)

AND another plus, I went and had a long LONG shower all by myself.. (usually I have to have it with kids around a) in case I fall b) to help me get the shower chair inside as our shower is too small atm for me to manage on my own - which is changing come 20th Feb when they start work on enlarging the shower a little and lowering the hob from over 20 cm to 2 cm wooohoo)

AND I washed my hair too, so sitting here all fresh, feeling GREAT and ALIVE and determined to never NEVER give up no matter what..

If you read to the end.. I salute you :) I'm sorry it was so long but I just wanted to get it out there and brag :)

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I have had a hard time lately just getting mentally healthier as I have really been questioning myself in regards to the lymphoedema and it's worsening effects on my body, my health, my mind and I just wasn't sure how to deal with it esp when it came to my weight loss (or gain as it seems to be lately)

My head knows I am always going to be struggling with consistent losses with my legs and excess fluid, lack of mobility, cellulitis, hospital admissions, etc but my heart just weeps every day as how hard it is just to get up and out of bed let alone moving even the smallest of distances dragging the dead weight of my legs.

Somehow I have to come to terms with it, whether or not I ever will I don't know, it's a daily struggle that's for sure, every time I move I'm reminded.
But you know what? 

Every day I survive.. every day I get to experience life with my kids, the beauty of our ever changing weather, my gorgeous animals, my friends here on my blog and FB, my family, I mean, isn't that the most valuable thing in the world.. life?

So I fight, I struggle, I put up with the constant pain, but I live...

and that my friends is what it's all about.. so I guess, maybe I have got it right after all :)